Look. No one cares about lists anymore. Best of, top, coolest... meh. At most, you glance at it with a vague sense of disagreement before complaining online, then completely forgetting about it.
And that’s where The 3am Awards come in. In lieu of a list, I give you the moment you didn't even realise you've been waiting for:
The '017 Doomy Awards presented by 3am Revelations
Awarded for Outstanding Musical Musicianship in the Field of Music
The awards take a look at this year in music and honours the deserving songs, albums, and artists in the form of randomly named award categories, as chosen by me (Kirk). And even though the awards may be a little glib -- to say the least -- these are legitimately some of my favourites of the year.
Without further ado, in no particular order...
Best Advice Considering Everything That's Happened This Year
"Burn It All And Start Again" by The Wet Secrets, off the album The Tyranny Of Objects
The "Margaret Downe" Award for Song Most Likely To Make You Endlessly Sob
"Miscarriage" by Said the Whale, off the album As Long As Your Eyes Are Wide
Best Reason to Reconsider Pissing Off a Musician
"Anything That You Want" by Sarah Jickling & Her Good Bad Luck, off the album When I Get Better
Best Scientific Debate in a Song
“Dear Science” by Blimp Rock, off the album Soap Opera
(Also awarded: Best Album Embedded In a Bar of Soap)
Actually, this is an award given to a good song that... Let me back up; a song is when a group of musicians come together and...
"Mansplainin'" by Nice Horse, off the album There Goes the Neighbourhood
Best Song to Tell Someone To Fuck Off
"I'm Sorry That I Wished You Dead" by The Dears, off the album Times Infinity vol 2
Song That Most Needs To Be The Theme For The Next Bond Movie
"Criminal" by Adeline, off the album Aquatic
Song That Most Needs To Be In An Indie Movie Playing Over A Montage Of Two Young People Falling In Love Over The Course Of One Night.
"Fluorescent Light" by Stars, off the album There Is No Love In Fluorescent Light
Best Song Named After a Street in Gastown
"Blood Alley" by The Matinée, off the album Dancing on Your Grave
Best Onomatopoeic Song
"Bang Bang" by Sarah Jane Scouten, off the album When The Bloom Falls From The Rose
Best/Most Unexpected Cover
"Wicked Game" by Lydia Ainsworth, off the album Darling of the Afterglow
Best/Most Unexpected Lap Steel
"Strange Weather" by Louise Burns, off the album Young Mopes
Best/Most Unexpected Jarvis Cocker
"Century" by Feist, off the album Pleasure
Best Song with Lyrics Consisting of Only Two Words
"Oh I" by Belle Game, off the album Fear/Nothing
Awesomest Alliteration on An Album
"You're just the latest in the long list of lost loves (loooooves)"
"Protest Song" by Broken Social Scene, off the album Hug Of Thunder
"But I'll only lift a finger if it's the middle one"
From the song “Trophy Wife” by Whitehorse, off the album Panther in the Dollhouse
Best Chorus To Yell Along To As The Venue Curfew Cuts Off The Live Music For Club Night
"Rock N Roll can’t be forgotten // Rock N Roll is Rock N Roll // Long live Rock N Roll"
From the song "Rock N Roll" by Bend Sinister, off the EP The Other Way
Best Album From A Pop Star That May Also Be An Alien, Robot, or Robot Alien
Poppy.Computer by Poppy
Best Live Show Experience
Touching Nick Cave as he loomed over me, standing on a seat in the middle of the crowd, singing "The Weeping Song"